Unity (Friday Fictioneers)

Friday Fictioneers, Short Story, Release


Word Count: 116 

The golden trill of the bells cut through the crisp March air. The woman counted them.

One. Two. Three. A baritone voice followed.

“Are you ready?”

She turned to gaze into the eyes of the man at her side. These were the same green eyes she’d looked into before; familiar and comforting.  Before the bells tolled four, she would become his. She would not, could not, ever look into another’s eyes thereafter.


He took her hand firmly, confidently. She turned away to inspect the balconies of the cathedral, their ivory curvature reminiscent of a shark’s jawbone. Quaint windows framed the precipices. They were quite high.

That would be her only chance to escape.

First timer for Friday Fictioneers here. Welcome to my blog, and I hope you enjoyed what I wrote. If not, well, maybe next time, huh?


21 thoughts on “Unity (Friday Fictioneers)

  1. HI, Helly.

    Welcome! Just read the story. Not bad for a first time. Keep on submitting! If you’d like some constructive feedback as well (even our published authors need that), we’d be very glad to help as well. BTW, we’re all a little on the loveably crazy side (meaning we have fun) so come on in and get to know us!


    • Thanks! That’s the goal. I would love to get to know more people and give/receive feedback. I’ll be sifting through some other stories today 🙂

  2. Welcome, Helly. As Bjorn said, you know how to put a twist into your story, a definite feature of Friday Fictioneers. Look forward to reading more from you. Enjoy your foray into the stories, too.


  3. Welcome to FF! Habit yes, addiction? Probably.
    I’m a stickler for the 100 word thing. This is a lovely flowery tale which could easily be shaved to 100 words. It’s part of the “challenge” of this weekly exercise and my suggestion would be that you perhaps aim closer to it. Are you going to lose part of the description, well yes; again, hence the “challenge”.

    • My first draft was 97… and then I changed part of the story, and I went over. Oops. Since it wasn’t a strict rule, I figured I’d leave it be. 🙂 But you’re right – it’s part of the challenge, so I’ll be aiming closer this week. Thanks for the feedback!

    • Thank you! As lingeringvisions pointed out, part of the challenge is meeting the word count, and I went a little over. But I’m still glad you enjoyed it!

  4. Ah, my dear dear Helly. It really is quite the beautiful thing to see you show up on here finally after all this time creeping over my shoulder 😀 This is well writ, and puts a song of a minor chord on my mind. I can see her shrieking with joy as she flies free (which is both creepy and exhilarating). Nice choice of words, and way to play on the suspense with the bells.

    Keep it up.

    • Haha, I’m glad you found me and glad you read it. Thanks for the feedback. I intend to keep participating. I really had a great time, and I’ve certainly enjoyed the responses & encouragement from other Fictioneers.

  5. Oh, what’s she going to do? You really drew me in and I’d like to know what happens next.
    That’s a great start to your FF career. Well done.

    • I envisioned it several different ways. I could see her climbing out the windows, making her grand escape to freedom. I could see her as accepting her lot and vowing to be faithful to the man she’s about to be united with. I could also see her leaping to her death. I think, if I were to continue it, she would climb to freedom and start a life somewhere led only by her own convictions. 🙂 Thank you for the feedback!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s