Occupy Wall Street: Thoughts and my one request.

I’ve been following the developments of the Occupy Wall Street protests, and I have to say, I’m impressed.

I’m impressed that, despite their label as unemployed, slobby kids, young Americans are out there fighting for what they want.  Americans of all ages are participating, but I am so proud of my generation for actually doing something.  I’ve wanted to do something about the way our middle class is shrinking for so long.  But I’m lucky in that I’m employed, as is my husband.  It is not my dream job, nor is it his.   But I have more than enough money to survive.  In fact, I am even saving money very, very easily.  In economic times where people are unable to afford even the basics, I have an apartment, a nice car, and healthcare.  It didn’t cover any of my surgery this year, but I wouldn’t have been able to get surgery without a plan.  So I am lucky like that, too.  But I am often overworked, irritable, and tired.  We both work 70-90 hours a week and are never home.  We travel everywhere.  Sometimes we work 80 days in a row with no days off.  Every trip we have tried to plan has been threatened by work — we were going to rent a car and stay in Florida after we finished up at work last year, and our trip was delayed a day by work because I had to go cover someone’s ass for a police investigation.  We often have to request to simply leave early, otherwise we won’t go home at all.  This works every once in awhile.   Just recently, we paid over a thousand dollars to go to a convention — Blizzcon — where my husband can network with people in the business he’s interested in.  Now work is saying we can’t go.  They’ll reimburse us, but it’s very disappointing.  They control where we are at almost all times during the year, which means we have no time to look for another job or set up any sort of interview at home.  It’s definitely not ideal, but I do consider myself extraordinarily lucky, financially speaking, compared to others.

I’m impressed that the protesters hold strong.  That they haven’t been fooled into moving, or coerced into giving in, despite the pressure the police are putting on them.  I would be out there with them, if I weren’t working.

And, I’m impressed that this idea has spread.  That our friends and supporters across the globe are participating, and fighting for what they believe in, too.  I can’t explain how wonderful it feels to have people stand with America once again, instead of against it.  My heart grew three times its normal size today.

As I said earlier, I have been vocal in the past about my feelings regarding the recession and my country’s lack of ability to get us back on track.  Before I was even out of high school, I was aware that there was a bitter rivalry between the USA’s two major political parties, and that this could only spell disaster for the years to come.  What I didn’t know was how short that time would be.  Any idea to help America move forward, whether through a jobs creation package, or a healthcare package, has been filibustered or demonized, while other bills and proposals have cropped up just to slap us in the face and/or completely derail the entire discussion.

The Occupy movement is bringing people who are sick of this bipartisanship feuding together.  They are discussing ideas, creating dialogues and strategies for changing the direction of politics; a direction that better addresses the majority of Americans and America’s future.  Hell, it goes beyond that: They are addressing flaws in the entire global financial market, not just those within American borders.  Those who oppose the movement seem to be angry because they’ve suffered and are thankful that they have what little they do have because it’s America and there are starving kids in Africa, and goddammit you should stop whining and being Un-American; or, they cite class warfare or maybe even pull out the good ol’ “you’re-just-jealous-of-all-my-shit” routine.  I’ve seen a lot of “get a job” comments; the irony here is that they can’t just “get a job”, and that that is why they’re out there, frustrated, and exercising their right to protest what they perceive to be unfair treatment.

But despite the people who do not think this is productive, the number of supporters keeps growing.  I for one stand with them, because although I cannot say I’m struggling as much as some of the OWS folks, I am only a very short fall from my slightly-higher perch.  If I lost my job today, I would only have enough in savings for a few months, and I know the job market is still very very rough.  I am college-educated and have a number of marketable skills: Creative writing, technical writing, editing, research, graphic design, video editing, and PR experience, to name a few.  I know how it feels to compete against people with experience — even as little as 6 months experience more than you, and you are passed over.  I know what it’s like to be one of those young adults, caught in that paradox of being “too educated” for low-paying jobs, like writing and designing part-time for a local newsletter. (Yes! I was turned down for this job… because I was “too educated” and didn’t have kids(?!)) But I’ve also been turned down for jobs because I’m “not experienced enough” for jobs my field that demand my skill set.  (I applied to do international event organization at a local museum.  The position was listed as “entry-level”, but said a degree would be preferable, and asked for skills like experience with intercultural relations, working in groups, planning, etc — all things I’ve done.   I was one of 72 applicants, and received an email saying that a museum curator with over 20 years’ experience and a Master’s in Museum Studies was selected.  How can you compete with that as a new college grad?  Why would a person of that stature apply to an entry-level position?  Competition for jobs is fierce.)

Or how about internships?  How many young Americans can really afford to work for free?  Sure, it’s great experience, and you have some peace of mind knowing that it is only a temporary position.  But most people just can’t give up their income for several months.  On top of all that, it’s often extremely competitive to attain an internship!

So I understand the frustration, I really do.  It’s very difficult, no matter which options you’re presented with.

So there are my thoughts. Now, for my request. It is what everyone else is asking by now:

What are your demands, Occupy Wall Street? 

I know you’re wary to say who you support, because this isn’t supposed to be affiliated with political parties.  It’s a deep mistrust of politics that’s being conveyed, and that’s very clear (at least to me and a few others — some people seem to think it’s a left-only event).  But I’m scared that although there’s a lot of passion, emotions, and desire for change involved in this, it will fizzle out without a clear and concise list of demands.  We know things need to change, but how?

A few bloggers have already started voicing their own ideas.  I will provide some links here so that you can see what they’re thinking about.  I will think about things too, and perhaps write a follow-up post.  I want to be the change I want to see.  Do it with me.

Wilder Side: Occupy Wall Street Declarations

Washington Post: Education Activists Seek to Collaborate with Occupy Wall Street

Cracked: 3 Types of Wallstreet Protesters Hurting Their Own Cause

Travel for work? Here’s some wardrobe ideas.

Okay, so I haven’t done any fashion-related posts for awhile. I am a huge fashion nerd, and pretty much all of my site traffic comes from people looking for Dior dresses (sorry, don’t have any to sell, but a girl can dream!), so I thought I’d write up a piece on how to pack and dress while traveling.

So here’s the deal: I travel for my job. A lot. In fact, recently I’ve begun to wonder why I’m even paying rent. I think I’ve spent about 6 days in my apartment since I moved in this May. I guess it’s worth it to feel like I’m a functioning adult with a home to actually return to when I do manage to get a day or two off. But anyway, this post is not about that. It’s about what I do with my wardrobe and how I manage to pack for all sorts of weather, work, and the occasional fun night out. Now, my job isn’t terribly controlling of how I dress. I am not allowed to wear sweatpants to work, which was a huge disappointment, but I am allowed to wear jeans. You may have a more formal job, in which case, you’re going to have fewer choices to work with.

The basics, and what works for most ladies:

If you’re going for a short business trip, say, between 2 days and a week, pack light. You might be thinking of a million things that you want to do, like sightseeing after work or checking out the nightlife, or touring a museum. But the most important thing here is that you’re going to be working, and that’s what you’ll probably be spending most of your time doing. So pack for work first, and fun second. You don’t want to have to pay an extra $100 because you over-packed your one bag. So your medium-sized suitcase should probably look something like this:

- Three pairs of slacks, dark and neutral colors (like black, gray, and camel, for example). Keep the hemline shorter. You’re not going to be wearing stilettos. For a touch of personality, try interesting, yet clean cuts, such as a tapered or wide leg, or a high waist.

- Blazers or jackets that match the slacks. They can button or drape.

- Several blouses. Make sure you bring blouses that fit properly; no one wants to see the epic straining button while you’re talking to your clients or investors. Well, maybe they do, but it’s not going to make them pay attention to what you’re trying to say.

- One pair of black kitten heels. If your dress code allows, you can have slingbacks or peep-toes to feel fancy. Otherwise, the heel should be no higher than an inch and the shoe will probably feel a bit dowdy, but it is professional and it will look good with the suit. And you can stand in these for awhile and not feel like your feet are trying to escape from your body.

- A pair of flats.  Love love love me some cute flats.

- If you like jewelry, pack a pair of stud earrings and maybe a few statement rings. I don’t think huge necklaces or layers of bangles are very professional, but a simple necklace or bracelet would be okay. You don’t want this to be the defining feature of your outfit. You also don’t want to show off extremely expensive jewelry when you’re traveling. Keep it simple and safe.

- Another easy way to accessorize is to throw in a cute scarf or two.  They don’t take up much space and they are always in style.

- Underwear: Obviously this is up to you, but I usually bring 2 or 3 bras and enough underwear for every day I’m there.

- If you work out, pack a sports bra or two and your workout clothes. Don’t bring more than one pair for a week. Suck it up and reuse your clothes. You can do it, I promise.

- Sneakers/tennis shoes.

- For after-work activities, choose either a dress or a pair of skinny jeans and a cute top. There’s really no need to pack a lot for this. Try to pick something that you can mix and match with your blazers, or your blouses. You can create some pretty cute looks by mixing professional and casual.

- Finally, throw in a coat you can wear in case of rain, and of course, an umbrella.  If the weather is going to be cold, pack a jacket.  Don’t tell yourself you’ll be indoors all the time and therefore won’t need one.  You’ll regret it.

Here’s an example of some outfits I would pack, thanks to the ever-wonderful Polyvore.  Click the image to see the set up close! Oh, and a note on the prices: I just chose looks I liked.  I’m sure you can find similar looks for wayyyyy cheaper:

Work wardrobe by hellystia featuring skinny leg jeans

Dorothy Perkins pleated dress
50 - dorothyperkins.com

STEFFEN SCHRAUT slim fit shirt
$175 - stylebop.com

Oasis red ruffle blouse
20 - oasis-stores.com

Diane von Furstenberg crop top
220 - matchesfashion.com

Preen trench coat
$759 - boutique1.com

Lanvin drape jacket
$1,179 - mytheresa.com

Paul Joe jacket
$615 - net-a-porter.com

Blazer
$368 - aliceandolivia.com

Maison Martin Margiela wool pants
€208 - luisaviaroma.com

Nudie Jeans Co. skinny leg jeans
$199 - my-wardrobe.com

Anna Sui flower tight
$23 - couture.zappos.com

Pants
$43 - romwe.com

Oasis flat shoes
38 - oasis-stores.com

Kg low heel pumps
55 - houseoffraser.co.uk

Ivanka Trump croc bag
$150 - nordstrom.com

Armani Exchange crystal ring
$25 - armaniexchange.com

Just Female Acces wide ring
€18 - welikefashion.com

Urban Outfitters square earrings
$14 - urbanoutfitters.com

Resin jewelry
$75 - reissonline.com

Bajra brown shawl
$298 - intermixonline.com

Polka dot umbrella
$17 - kohls.com

The Art of Being Socially Awkward: Let’s save some face.

My sister has been struggling with mono lately, which has hindered her ability to go to class, eat, drink, and generally functions like a normal human being.  As such, we’ve spent a lot of time talking on Skype about a variety of topics: anime, drawing, writing, and developing careers, to name a few.  One particular conversation addressed something that had been bothering her recently.  She is a frequent poster at a site where people just talk about their daily lives, ask questions, and share media with the community.  Well, it seems there is a person who regularly posted about how much she loved this guy, and how amazing and perfect he was.  Then suddenly, she stopped talking to him.  Said school took up too much time.  Said whatever, she was just ending it.  My sister’s problem with this arose because the poster claimed she didn’t want to confront the poor guy and tell him why she wasn’t responding to his calls or emails.  Basically, her view was, “Why won’t he stop pestering me? I’m not responding, so obviously it’s over… why doesn’t he get it?”

My sister’s been through quite a bit in terms of rough break-ups; naturally, she felt for the guy in this situation.  She asked me what I thought of it.  Granted, I don’t know either of the people in real life and I can only glean details from the posts on the site, but I said I would attempt to articulate my thoughts on it.  It’s actually a pretty common phenomenon in any culture.

I’d say what is going on fits perfectly into the act of “saving face.”  From the sociolinguistic standpoint, saving face pretty much means to “avoid being disgraced or humiliated.”  As a person, your face represents your persona, your honor, and dignity.  If you fail to maintain face, you then lose it, which results in humiliation and extreme emotional discomfort.  So, to apply this to our situation, we can ask, “Why would someone not want to tell their partner that their relationship was over?” Perhaps your partner would lash out and insult you when you tried to end things; perhaps you know of your guilt in this situation — you know you really should give a proper goodbye — and don’t want to be called on it.  Maybe in the past, you went through a really rough time when someone else dumped you and you think you’re saving them from feeling the same pain.  There could be a number of reasons as to why someone would just stop talking to their significant other, but they all come back to one idea: You want to preserve your integrity and self-worth, while still desiring to be unimpeded by their actions.

Saving face fits into a larger sociological concept, referred to as “Politeness theory.”  The face is further expanded into positive face and negative face.  Much like in psychology, the terms positive and negative don’t share a traditional definition with the more casual usage of the words.  Instead, here positive face refers to your desire to have your interactant approve of the face you’re displaying, and you strive to present a consistent self-image or personality.  Negative face then represents your desire to your personal territory and preferences, and your right to have freedom of choice in your actions without imposition.  In many conversations, someone will threaten your positive or negative face, and consequently there are politeness mechanisms that can be invoked to mitigate the damage to either face.

Now, our subject is avoiding confrontation altogether.  She’s not even engaging in a conversation, so she won’t have to defend herself, or so she won’t have to deal with any fallout from her actions.  Instead, she’s completely ignoring that this conversation should take place, and she’s failing to understand why someone who isn’t even included in her thoughts on the matter is not “getting” why she’s doing this.  One could argue that this is still saving face (most likely negative face) but she’s losing positive face.  She’s definitely not presenting herself in a positive light, and her interactant (or lack thereof) is receiving a very confusing unspoken message that is not consistent with the messages he’s received previously.  So while he’s trying to defend his own ego by eliciting the expected response, which is an official break-up, she’s justifying to herself why she is “allowed” to do things her way: She’s too busy for this crap, she doesn’t have to explain herself, and things will blow over.

“But why does this constitute as being socially awkward, Helly?” You are probably asking (if you’ve even made it this far).

Well, because for every situation that involves the maintaining, loss, or saving of face, there is a required social interaction.  This interaction varies from culture to culture, but there is a socially expected way that people “should” behave when face is challenged.  If someone challenges your face, you defend yourself.  You normally don’t fly off the handle and challenge their face, unless you’re 5 years old:

A: “You’re a stinky doo-doo head!”

B: “Well, YOU’RE a smelly poo-poo butt!”

No, that doesn’t really work for adults.  Instead, you usually try to defend yourself, maybe take a jab at the person if you feel you are being slighted, but you don’t straight up reach for wild accusations of poop and how strongly your interactant smells of it. Instead, the ideal interaction would be to both be mature adults who have a mutual parting and no drama, and perhaps a rebuttal:

A: “I don’t think we should date anymore.  I’m too busy with school and I simply don’t have the time to devote to a relationship. I’m very sorry.”

B: “But I thought what we had was great. Can’t we find some way to work it out? I feel like this is unfair to me.”

A: “No, I’m sorry. I’d rather concentrate on my career right now, and I really don’t think I’d be able to give you the attention you deserve.”

B: “I see. Well, I wish you luck. Goodbye.”

Or something like that. You know, it could be more drawn out and tears would probably be involved.

Here is what has happened to many adults, but is considered socially awkward and generally unacceptable:

A: “I don’t think we should date anymore.  I’m too busy with school and I simply don’t have the time to devote to a relationship. I’m very sorry.”

B: “Seriously, fuck you. You’re the worst thing that ever happened to me and I’m glad this is over.  This was a complete waste of my time and money.  Have a nice life.”

I hope you can easily see the difference. When one person is presenting positive face and trying to amicably end a relationship, they hope that their partner will still see them in a positive light, despite the fact that this situation must be very painful for them.  They hope that their consideration will save them from having to defend themselves and being viewed negatively.  The other party should ideally have a reaction commensurate with the level of politeness and respect they’ve just been shown.  They shouldn’t lash out and overreact and say things they don’t mean; that’s just perceived as terrible and no one really wants to be seen as terrible.

Now what if you eliminate this interaction all together?  And, more importantly, what if you don’t see anything wrong with eliminating this interaction?

That, my friends, is still saving face.  It is not in the socially acceptable spectrum of ways to save face, though, and as a result, most people will not view this as the proper way to react.  To most people, it comes off as immature, harsh, and unnecessary.  Outsiders reading about this want to know that her ex did something to deserve such treatment.  Something commensurate with the punitive way he’s been tossed aside.  But, inferring from her posts, he did absolutely nothing wrong, and was completely blindsided by her actions.  So it strikes a dissonant chord in many readers, particularly if they have experienced something similar.    It smacks of arrogance, immaturity, and lacking in mastery of social skills.  The desire to save face is so strong that we want to right what we perceive as wrong.  And I’m sure that’s why people like my sister wrinkle their noses at this story.

Thoughts?

Btw, if you would like to read more about the face and politeness theories, check out authors Erving Goffman and Penelope Brown/Stephen C. Levinson/John Gumperz:

Erving Goffman: The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life

Penelope Brown, Stephen C Levinson, John J Gumperz: Politeness: Some Universals in Language Usage

So, let’s talk more about marketing.

I know that you know by now that I’m a feminist. So that probably explains a lot about why I get so irritated with marketing techniques, and the tendency to paint women with one brushstroke. Quite a few other feminists have spoken out about women and marketing already; one of my favorites is wundergeek over at Go Make Me A Sandwich, a blog which regularly examines marketing tactics in the gaming industry through a feminist lens. Wundergeek’s most recent post got me thinking about many topics, one of which was being a feminist and not always enjoying feminist-friendly things or events.  Another was how I could use this as an example of how varied women’s tastes are.  Allow me to elaborate, starting with a little bit of background about the topic of Wundergeek’s post.

In 2007, Shelly Mazzanoble, a D&D fan and (gasp) WOMAN, wrote a book called “Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress,” which was apparently received pretty well by her target audience. Wizards of the Coast, the publisher of her book, noted her success and subsequently offered her a monthly column, “Conessions of a Full-Time Wizard.” Both the book and the column are meant to familiarize women with the tabletop game Dungeons and Dragons, as well as let them chuckle a bit at the author’s learning experiences as she navigates her way through her own gaming sessions. Wundergeek has read both the book and the columns, and she doesn’t necessarily agree with all the points Mazzanoble presented. She selected examples of the writing that address her annoyance with the way the author portrays female tabletop gamers, and explains why these comments are hurtful to the acceptance of women as competent game players. While I’ve never read Mazzanoble’s column, I have played D&D, and I certainly know what it’s like to be a woman learning the game in a group of experienced players, who just so happen to be male.

It’s important to keep in mind that I only read the quotes that Wundergeek posted, so perhaps the language didn’t hit me as strongly as it did her, when she would probably read about the same topic, written in the same style, month after month. Much like Wondergeek, some of the quotes I found to be highly irritating, such as the whole “I made this character and I think it was very difficult to do, and now I’m gonna have someone explain how to play her because I certainly don’t know how” bit, or the “Hey, I don’t know what else to resort to, so I’m just gonna have my character start crying” habit she seems to have. Others I felt were things that could potentially be annoying to some people, but some of these things sounded exactly like something I’d done in my gaming sessions. Specifically, Ms. Mazzanoble had an irrational fear of looking stupid in front of the group. She had a really difficult time getting into roleplaying, character manipulation (and by this, I mean rolling up a character and deciding how to give her talents or abilities), and then when she gets overwhelmed, she has a tendency to whine. A lot. My dilemma was the fear of looking stupid, of not wanting to make ANY mistakes. I didn’t want to be perceived as some dumb girl who didn’t know what she was doing, and yet, I had no idea what I was doing! Why? Well, because I’d never played before. And because it takes time to learn the rules of a game of that complexity. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing help while you’re learning, but obviously at some point, you must start to carry your character on your own. Mazzanoble doesn’t do this, as evidenced by Wundergeek’s post, and she never seems to learn her lesson. She just keeps making the same mistakes, or avoids taking on a challenge, and then relies on her old tricks to save her ass.

Wundergeek also takes issue with the constant references to fashion, shopping, chocolate… you get the idea. I do enjoy fashion. Shopping can be fun if I want to go shut my brain off and look at shiny things for a few hours. And chocolate? Well I know some people don’t like chocolate, but I’m definitely not one of them. Does that make me a bad feminist? Of course it doesn’t. Feminism is about ensuring that women have choices in life, not about restricting them to only certain roles. And those roles could be what we normally think of when we consider why feminism is necessary: 50s housewife happily serving her husband, not allowed to work, and must look presentable at all times; on the other hand, we are also not trying to say women can only be the opposite of that, for that is just as limiting, and does no service to women by simply demanding they do something else.  I am by no means saying that this is what Wundergeek was implying by pointing out that she didn’t enjoy these activities.  The ultimate point of Wundergeek’s post was that she did not believe that Shelly Mazzanoble was really all that much like her writing made her out to be. She suspects it’s actually a marketing tactic that attempts to draw women in with the use of humor (so it doesn’t sound too powergamer-y), a lovable ditz (isn’t she cute, though?), and mentioning stereotypical female interests (all we really want to do is play dress-up, anyway! Where’s that cute dress robe I saw earlier?).

The fact that there exist interests that intersect with stereotypical ideas of women’s desires, and there simultaneously exist interests that fall outside of this boundary or are considered non-traditional or alternative hobbies for women, is a great example of how varied women’s tastes actually are.  Yes, most women experience some overlap of interests with most stereotypical marketing schemes’ tactics to garner female attention.  But that doesn’t make it okay for the marketing crews to assume that this is what all women are interested in and will respond to.  In fact, it further enforces the assumption that women are casual about games, or are only playing because their significant other plays, or are unable to learn the complex rules of a game such as D&D, ad infinitum.  And the solution would most definitely not be to make fun of these “stereotypical” women’s hobbies either (remember that droid ad I ranted about?), because a lot of women really do enjoy “girly” things, like finding something they enjoy wearing, or eating something that tastes really good (like chocolate!).  Shunning these activities only makes it seem like women are punished for just liking things that they like, and they then feel pressured to conform to another set of ideals, which are somehow defined as “better” than girly things.  That’s still misogyny, no matter which way you slice it.

So my point here is not to condemn anyone for what they like or dislike.  It’s to stress that, duh, women have different interests and trying so hard to draw their attention with just a few tired old tricks is kind of insulting.   Humor, likable characters, and being able to relate to what is being sold to you are all vital assets in the marketing process.  But they need to be careful to avoid using tropes that reinforce stereotypes, and definitely don’t limit the product to only one kind of personality.   Sure, the intended demographic might be “women ages 15-60″ or something, but going for GEE THEY ALL HAVE BOOBS, MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY TO REMIND THEM OF HOW FUN SHOE SHOPPING IS SO THEY’LL WANT TO BUY OUR GAME probably isn’t their best effort.  That can’t be all you have to offer us… right?

Getting back into the swing of things

Well, I realize I didn’t exactly start off with a boom. But I’ve been doing a lot of writing recently, and I’ve decided to start blogging again. The wonderful gomakemeasandwich blog was brought to my attention by my always-awesome sister. It reminded me of my blog, and what my original vision with it was. I’m planning a new article to be pressed tomorrow (which just so happens to coincide with the beginning of Brewfest on WoW, which my husband and I will have celebrated irl for four years with the 2011 event), so let’s get this party started!

Prost!

Vintage-inspired dresses for everyone!

I don’t know what it is about me and vintage clothing, but I almost always like something that reminds me of the 40s and 50s.  When I was shopping for a prom dress in high school, I wanted something old-fashioned and, well, black.  After searching and searching, I finally found something that sorta-kinda resembled what I wanted, but it just didn’t align with my ideal dress.  It was A-line, black and silver, and had a corset back.   I didn’t like that it lacked some ruffles and lace that were so iconic of the 1950s, but I was running out of time and had to get something within my mom’s budget.  I hated prom anyway, so it didn’t matter in the end.

But I digress.  Over the last few months, I’ve been looking for a wedding dress.  This time around, I really want something special.  Originally, I was looking for a vintage gown, designer if possible.  I love Hattie Carnegie and Christian Dior, Oscar de la Renta and Adolfo Sardia… but alas, women these days tend not to be the sizes they were mid-century.  But looking through, I felt like I just had to share some of the dresses I found.  Vintage dresses, gah, I love them.

This is a Hattie Carnegie dress, circa 1950s.  I love the sparkles and touches of silver — and even though it’s pink, it just looks like it’d make you feel amazing.

Another Hattie Carnegie dress.  It’s too bright for me, but I love the layers of lace, the embroidery, the pretty scalloped edges, and the flattering waistline.

Finally a non-pink Hattie Carnegie dress!  The yellow ribbon tied around the waist just makes this dress even more adorable.  I wouldn’t have thought to put a bright color like that with an ivory dress, but it looks amazingly fashionable and elegant at the same time.

Oscar de la Renta dress. This isn’t vintage (as far as I know) but the design sure looks it.  I love layers of frills and elaborate collar lines of flowers or ruffles.

A couple of Adolfo Sardia dresses.  The dropped waist is something I’ve always liked, too — and the beading is just gorgeous on the gown on the right.

The champagne-colored embroidery just screams vintage beauty.  I am quite in love with this Lanvin dress.

Christian Dior. Love this dress, it looks so frosty and sculpted; channels some feelings of royalty!

Christian Dior again.  So pretty with its cascading flowers…

I don’t know the designer of this gown, but the tiny sleeves, the beading, and the layers of fluffy tulle just make me want to put it on and twirl around like a little kid.  Seriously.

If I were going more for a traditional gown, I’d totally pick something like this.  Aside from the obvious reasons why I like it, I love the tiny buttons all the way up the back.  Cute? Yes. A pain to get on? Even more so.

Okay, so I went a little crazy posting dresses there.  These are mostly vintage, from the stellar site Thefrock.com, which, if you’re looking for high-quality (and a little spendy) vintage dresses, look there; they have an absolutely amazing collection to peruse.  But if you’ve been paying attention to the descriptions as well as the dresses, you’ll have noticed the sizes of most of these dresses.  Yeah, they run pretty small.  I’m not a large person by any means, but I definitely don’t have a 24″ waist — nor will I ever possess that caliber of daintiness.  So my sister turned my attention to etsy.com, where you can find all sorts of hand-made things. I didn’t really know what to expect from it — it seemed like you might find some things that weren’t as well made as, say, your typical gowns you find in spendy stores.  I was amazed to find a variety of unique designers who make tailor-fit gowns to your specifications.  Numerous pages even took custom requests, or offered to alter any part of a dress that you wanted to change.  So then I began my hunt.  I was positive I could find a gown that looked just as gorgeous as a vintage designer piece, and — bonus! — that fit me perfectly.

Bridal Bliss Designs.

Bridal Bliss Designs specializes in recreating custom gowns.  I love her attention to detail and her creativity in making a design match the vision of the bride requesting her work.  Just take a look at a few of her creations:

Looks remarkably similar to some of the 1950s tiered tulle and lace dresses, doesn’t it?

Reminds me of a ballerina — I could also see this paired with a cute, bright sash, like the Hattie Carnegie gown!

The lace details, the sweetheart neckline, and the a-line skirt make this a vintage-inspired gown worth checking out.

Avabridal.

Based in Australia, Avabridal has pieces that are unbelievably affordable for the amount of skill and care that goes into the creation of each gown.  They offer crystal upgrades and even sell matching accessories for their gowns!  Truly worth taking a peek.

I love the beadwork and the dropped waist, all tied neatly together with a little sash. Very reminiscent of the Sardia dresses.

The champagne-colored embroidery mimics the Lanvin vintage gown, and the cascading flowers tie in the “Cinderella” Dior gown’s appeal, too!

Classic layering of beads, organza and silk skirt — very elegant.

Bellina Bridal.  Located just north of Rome, Italy, this very small studio makes custom gowns as well as promoting its own line — and on top of that, sometimes they even carry true vintage dresses!  The work is amazingly high-quality and the woman who runs it is very kind and enthusiastic about her work.  Check out her skills, it’s worth it.

I love how she looks like some sort of snow princess.  A breathtaking gown.

Scalloped neckline, layers of lace, and a bow? Yeah, of course I like it.

The asymmetry in this dress just caught my eye.  I love the white beads and embroidery.

Then I saw this dress.  I immediately fell in love with it — and this will be the gown that I wear for my wedding this summer!  It’s absolutely perfect for me in every way — layers of soft fabric, pretty beads and flowers, an asymmetrical waist, and a corset back.

Well now that I’ve gone through this, I hope that if you’re looking to have some vintage styles on your wedding day, that this can help you a bit.  If you’re a lucky person and you get to wear a true vintage gown, that’s wonderful!  If you can’t seem to find the perfect fit, then perhaps these other choices will help you get the gown you desire.

On Animals as Property

I’m a vegetarian, and have been since 2006.  I was a vegan for two years, until it became too difficult to maintain (I travel for work frequently — not every place has adequate substitutions for dairy products).  It is a conscious decision for most people to choose to not eat meat (or dairy, or eggs), as it was with me.  This of course isn’t the case for everyone: You could have been raised in a vegetarian home, for example, or, some people grow up with religious guidelines determining what is and what is not appropriate to eat.

A frequent question I hear is, “Why are you a vegetarian?”  The answer isn’t that simple for a lot of vegetarians or vegans to answer.  Some people have mixed emotions about animal welfare; others don’t like the taste or texture of meat — and that doesn’t even touch on the complex rules surrounding religious reasons to exclude animal products from your diet.  Something about the way people ask why leads me to believe that most Americans assume that if you’re a vegetarian, you must be some sort of extremist, or at the very least, an oddball for choosing consciously to omit such an important ingredient in a typical American diet.  Of course this isn’t the case with everyone, but it seems to be a common assumption, so I thought I’d address a few of these points.

For me, it was a choice.  But it wasn’t a choice based on one principal reason.  I studied abroad in Japan, and became very used to a diet that didn’t use much meat.  Seafood was fresh and readily available, but I ate it very intermittently, and I discovered that I enjoyed tofu dishes a lot more anyway.  The ban on imported beef had only recently been lifted and I found myself uninterested in trying to use that in my dishes, not only for the high cost, but also because I hadn’t really eaten meat in awhile and I was avoiding becoming ill from ingesting animal fats (trust me, if you haven’t eaten ANY type of food for awhile, then start up again, your digestive tract rebels).   When I came back to the US, I just chose not to pick up eating meat again.  Of course, as an animal lover, part of me didn’t want to eat meat because I didn’t approve of how the meat industry worked, but that was really only a small part of why I kept on going with vegetarianism.  Simply put, I led a fine life without meat, and had no desire to include it in my diet again.

When telling people I was a vegetarian, a lot of people were curious.  I didn’t mind answering questions, because in America, being a vegetarian isn’t as common as being an omnivore.  I understood that.  But what I didn’t understand was why, after answering questions in what I thought to be a succinct and polite manner, some people began to get hostile towards me.  I never said I was affiliated with PETA (an organization I will never align myself with — if you can treat women like shit, but market yourself as animal rights activists, you have some serious issues), nor did I say people who ate meat offended me in any way.  I never tried to sell my lifestyle or imply that I was a better person because of my choices.  It’s just who I am.  But a lot of people saw me as a threat, and grilled me with questions about the contents of a vegetarian diet — Where did I get my protein? Aren’t vegetarians weak and sickly because animal protein is superior to plant protein? Do I realize helpless animals are killed by the plows and combines that give me my precious plants? What if plants felt pain, would I just gulp down air or something?  Those videos are so old, you know people don’t treat animals like that anymore, don’t you?  The list goes on and on.  Basically, there’s some sort of miscommunication with our media or our perception of vegetarians that makes omnivores feel guarded about their choices, as if what they’re doing is somehow construed as “inhumane” or “cruel”.  So they attack vegetarians even if we don’t have issues with people who eat meat.  Allow me to elaborate on this.  It is possible to support the meat industry, and still not eat meat yourself.

To start, my biggest problem was that although I was educated on a vegetarian diet (I know more about what I put in my body than a lot of non-vegetarians do — I took issue with people asking how I got protein, and if I knew how many calories I was eating when they probably didn’t know themselves!) I didn’t know how to explain animal rights.  I didn’t want to support an industry that deliberately harmed animals, or at least didn’t care if they did harm animals, and yet I know the line has to be drawn somewhere — somehow, something is always going to suffer, because that’s just part of being a living creature.  This didn’t fly with a lot of vegetarians, nor did it fly with a lot of omnivores.  I just didn’t care if some other people ate meat, because that was their choice, and I had made mine.  But there was something else to it…

Dr. Temple Grandin’s Animals Are Not Things explains very well what sort of meager thoughts I had on that issue, and was unable to fully form at that time.  She says it so much better than I could have — maybe because I haven’t studied much neuroscience I agree with her wholeheartedly. Essentially, she argues that the more complex brain an organism has, the more it deserves certain protections to its welfare and well-being. For example, a fish may feel afraid, because fear is a primitive reaction that helped propagate a species. But the further you climb up the phylogenetic tree, the more complex an organism becomes, and it begins to experience pain.  You would need to take different measures to ensure a species doesn’t suffer, depending on how complex their brains and nervous systems are.  For example: An animal doesn’t have the concept of being property itself, though it possesses an ability to be cognizant of its own property; i.e., a dog is protective of its family, its bone, or its yard. So it would need to have certain legal protection to ensure that it is happy and thrives. A chimp on the other hand, possesses all these cognitive properties and more: It has a complex social life, networking with other chimps and taking on certain roles depending on where it fits into its group. It would need different legal protection to ensure its happiness and well-being. The fact that animals have these abilities separates them from other “things”, such as inanimate objects or plants. In that sense, they shouldn’t be treated harmfully to become someone’s dinner. But they are also able to nourish many people and other animals, and to lose them altogether in the food chain would be ridiculous, so to say that they should never be used as a food source isn’t an option either.  Of course, our society also tries to ensure that species aren’t eaten into extinction.  In other words: As long as an organism receives protection to guarantee its welfare according to its nervous system’s complexity and ability to process emotions such as fear or pain, animals used as people’s property doesn’t violate their right to a high standard of welfare.

Respecting people and animals alike is important, and so is taking care of yourself in a way you’re comfortable with.  If you choose to eat meat or animal products, try to choose companies that treat animals better.  If you feel compelled to omit such things from your diet, be respectful of those who choose not to.